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Thursday, February 7, 2013

New study highlights Chagas disease as a growing health and socio-economic challenge

Public release date: 7-Feb-2013
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Contact: Johanna Harvey
johanna.harvey@sabin.org
202-621-1691
Sabin Vaccine Institute

The disease's economic burden meets or exceeds that of rotavirus, Lyme disease and cervical cancer

WASHINGON, D.C.February 7, 2013Today, The Lancet Infectious Diseases published a new report that examines the global economic burden of Chagas disease. In the first study of its kind, researchers measured the health and economic impact of Chagas disease and found that the total economic burden of Chagas disease matches or exceeds that of many more well-known diseases such as rotavirus, Lyme disease and cervical cancer.

Chagas disease infects an estimated 10 million people worldwide, with most cases occurring in Latin America. It is a parasitic infection transmitted through an insect commonly known as the "kissing bug." Its symptoms range from acute respiratory and intestinal infections to strokes, liver and heart disease. In some cases Chagas disease can be fatal.

The poorest countries in the region are especially impacted by this neglected tropical disease (NTD) because of the insect's propensity to live in impoverished communities that lack quality housing, access to essential medicines and vector control practices. However the new study found that while the burden is considerable in Latin America, it is also significant in parts of the world not traditionally considered risk areas for Chagas disease, such as in North America and Europe.

The study estimates that the global economic cost of Chagas disease exceeds USD $7 billion annually. This cost surpasses that of rotavirus ($2 billion) and cervical cancer ($4.7 billion). Even in the United States, the economic burden of Chagas disease is comparable to the burden of much more publicized infectious diseases such as Lyme disease. According to the study, currently infected individuals will result in more future health care costs occurring in the United States (approximately $6.7 billion) than any other country.

"Lost productivity is a big part of the cost," said the study's lead author, Dr. Bruce Lee. "By just focusing on health care costs, or simple measures such as death caused by the disease, we miss a lot of the burden. We must examine the crucial impact lost productivity can have on society, businesses, governments and other key stakeholders."

Quantifying the economic burden of Chagas disease can help guide public health policy decisions, according to the study's co-author, Dr. Peter Hotez.

"We now have more evidence that Chagas disease is more than just a burden on human health in some of the poorest countries. All around the world, Chagas disease has a huge economic impact," said Dr. Hotez. "This new data should help inform policy decisions that will prioritize Chagas disease on research, policy and development agendas. This should include support for developing new vaccines for Chagas disease."

The Sabin Vaccine Institute Product Development Partnership (Sabin PDP), in collaboration with Texas Children's Hospital, Baylor College of Medicine and other PDP partners, is currently engaged in early research and development for a bivalent therapeutic vaccine for the treatment of chronic Chagas disease. If successful, it would be the first therapeutic vaccine for the treatment of this disease.

"Further studies quantifying Chagas disease-related costs on a regional or country level will help policymakers and other decision makers establish necessary control measures," added Dr. Hotez.

###

This paper was authored by Dr. Bruce Lee, associate professor of Medicine and Biomedical Informatics and director of the Public Health Computational and Operations Research (PHICOR) group, at the University of Pittsburgh and Dr. Peter Hotez, president of the Sabin Vaccine Institute, dean of the National School of Tropical Medicine at Baylor College of Medicine, director of the Sabin Vaccine Institute and Texas Children's Hospital Center for Vaccine Development and the fellow in Disease and Poverty at the James A. Baker III Institute for Public Policy at Rice University.

The study was funded by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and the Models of Infectious Disease Agent Study (MIDAS) program of the National Institute of General Medical Sciences, National Institutes of Health (grant number 5U54GM088491-02).

The full paper is available on TheLancet.com and Sabin.org.

About Sabin Vaccine Institute

Sabin Vaccine Institute is a non-profit, 501(c)(3) organization of scientists, researchers, and advocates dedicated to reducing needless human suffering caused by vaccine preventable and neglected tropical diseases. Sabin works with governments, leading public and private organizations, and academic institutions to provide solutions for some of the world's most pervasive health challenges. Since its founding in 1993 in honor of the oral polio vaccine developer, Dr. Albert B. Sabin, the Institute has been at the forefront of efforts to control, treat and eliminate these diseases by developing new vaccines, advocating use of existing vaccines and promoting increased access to affordable medical treatments. For more information please visit www.sabin.org.

About The Sabin Vaccine Institute Product Development Partnership (Sabin PDP)

The Sabin PDP is focused on developing vaccines targeting neglected tropical diseases and the world's first and only vaccine initiative targeting human hookworm infection. This product development partnership (PDP) engages partners in academia, industry, government and civil society to fill an important market gap by collaborating with world class research and development institutions to create ultra low-cost vaccines for poor and underserved populations. PDP members include Texas Children's Hospital, Baylor College of Medicine, the George Washington University, the Oswaldo Cruz Foundation (FIOCRUZ) (Brazil), the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (UK), the James Cook University (Australia), Birmex (Mexico), Cinvestav (Mexico), and Autonomous University of Yucatan (Mexico).

About the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine

As one of the nation's leading academic centers for biomedical research, the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine integrates advanced technology with basic science across a broad range of disciplines in a continuous quest to harness the power of new knowledge and improve the human condition. Driven mainly by the School of Medicine and its affiliates, Pitt has ranked among the top 10 recipients of funding from the National Institutes of Health since 1998. In rankings recently released by the National Science Foundation, Pitt ranked fifth among all American universities in total federal science and engineering research and development support.

Likewise, the School of Medicine is equally committed to advancing the quality and strength of its medical and graduate education programs, for which it is recognized as an innovative leader, and to training highly skilled, compassionate clinicians and creative scientists well-equipped to engage in world-class research. The School of Medicine is the academic partner of UPMC, which has collaborated with the University to raise the standard of medical excellence in Pittsburgh and to position health care as a driving force behind the region's economy. For more information about the School of Medicine, see www.medschool.pitt.edu.

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AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

New study highlights Chagas disease as a growing health and socio-economic challenge

Public release date: 7-Feb-2013
[ | E-mail |

Share ]

Contact: Johanna Harvey
johanna.harvey@sabin.org
202-621-1691
Sabin Vaccine Institute

The disease's economic burden meets or exceeds that of rotavirus, Lyme disease and cervical cancer

Quantifying the economic burden of Chagas disease can help guide public health policy decisions, according to the study's co-author, Dr. Peter Hotez.

"Further studies quantifying Chagas disease-related costs on a regional or country level will help policymakers and other decision makers establish necessary control measures," added Dr. Hotez.

###

The full paper is available on TheLancet.com and Sabin.org.

About Sabin Vaccine Institute

About The Sabin Vaccine Institute Product Development Partnership (Sabin PDP)

About the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine

[ | E-mail |

Share ]

AAAS and EurekAlert! are not responsible for the accuracy of news releases posted to EurekAlert! by contributing institutions or for the use of any information through the EurekAlert! system.

Source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2013-02/svi-nsh020713.php

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Seasonal Recipes: February 2013 | Slow Travel Berlin

Cheesecake with Pomegranate

February is probably my least favourite month of the year. It?s dark, cold and depressing yet without any of the excitement of the festive winter months, or the optimistic fresh start of January to brighten those bleak days a little. February is a month that calls for comfort food of the highest order.

And yet, what comfort food? If you?re anything like me, you?re probably getting a bit fed up with the endless root vegetables and pumpkin, but spring produce is still some way off. The answer ? at least for me ? is cheese.

And Berliners seem to be in agreement. Last year saw the first (though hopefully not the last)?Cheese Berlin?in?Markthalle Neun, organised by?Slow Food Berlin?and the Berlin cheesemonger?Ivo Knippenberg.

Knippenberg?s in Kollwitzmarkt is where I usually go if I want something a bit special. You?ll find them at other weekly markets as well. Their sales staff are incredibly knowledgeable and helpful, always eager to make recommendations and push you in the direction of something new.

The enthusiasm pays off: Knippenberg?s usually boasts the longest queue of any stand in the market, and it?s not due to understaffing.

I adore cheese and I love it when someone says to me: ?have you tried??? and offers me a sample. I?m a sucker for such sales tactics; I never yet met a cheese I didn?t like. And when it?s teamed with carbohydrates of some nature, I am practically in heaven.

Think of baked potatoes, with crispy skin and the soft mealy insides mixed with butter and cheddar. Or risotto with its last minute addition of pungent, savoury parmesan. Or any one of the myriad pasta dishes with cheese added in to provide soft, melting lubrication.

Two of the most famous cheese dishes, fondue and raclette are a problem to make at home unless you have the special equipment. In any case, the sharing nature of such food probably make it best to enjoy such with a group of friends in a cosy restaurant.

You could try Ars Vini, Feuer und Flamme?or la Raclette. But a ?cheat?s? fondue can easily be made at home, by baking a whole cheese in a box. The cheese itself is so simple, it almost feels like a scam to give a ?recipe? for it. The accompaniments to dip can be as simple as crudit?s and bread, or you can dress it up with baby roast potatoes and pieces of meat.

Classic pasta and cheese dishes include German K?sesp?tzle (try Imbiss 204?for a great takeaway version) or American mac ?n? cheese. Both are forgiving dishes, that will happily welcome practically any old lumps of cheese lurking at the back of your fridge.

Add pre-cooked pasta, a creamy white sauce, whatever else you fancy (mustard? nutmeg? herbs? tomatoes?), bake for 20 minutes or so, and you?re done. Every version will be slightly different, depending on what you put into it, but part of the beauty of such recipes is that you can make them with whatever you have lying around.

Although I?m perfectly happy with a big bowl of cheesy stodge in February, I also cook for other people, many of who are a bit more health-conscious and at least like to make a nod towards including some vitamins.

If you?re one such, you can make simple pasta dishes with broccoli and blue cheese, for example; or goats cheese with chilli and pumpkin. The cheese pasta recipe given below takes things even one step further by adding a combination of vegetables to the mix, along with a few extra flavours and cutting out the stodgy white sauce.

I don?t have a very sweet tooth and would often forego dessert for ? you guessed it ? a cheese board. Throw in some crackers, a few grapes and walnuts and I won?t have the slightest food envy of even the most delectable chocolate dessert.

But for the sugar fiends amongst you, I?ve included a cheesecake. It?s a German-style cheesecake with quark, rather than the heavier New York variety with a biscuit base. The cake itself is extremely versatile, and you could try topping it with almost anything you fancy. As it?s February and we all need brightening up, I?ve chosen a zingy pomegranate topping: both beautiful and seasonal.

Baked Cheese

Baked Cheese

Serves 4 as a starter, or 2 as a main, depending on accompaniments

For the cheese

1 small, whole, round, soft cheese, in its box (e.g. camembert, coulommiers, vacherin: ask your cheesemonger for a recommendation), about 250g

a few sprigs of thyme or rosemary

1 clove of garlic, peeled and sliced finely

a few drops of white wine

black pepper

Accompaniments, e.g. ?

raw carrots, peppers, celery, etc, cut into batons

cubes of coarse sourdough bread

cornichons

small roast or steamed potatoes (my favourite)

pieces of fried steak

sliced ham

Get the cheese out of the fridge an hour or so before you want to cook it. Heat the oven to 190?C/375?F/gas 5.

Take the cheese out of its box, remove and discard any additional packaging and return the cheese to the box. Make a few slits in the top of the cheese with a sharp knife and poke the slivers of garlic and a few herb leaves into the slits. Dribble over a few drops of white wine and grind over some black pepper. Put the lid back on the box, and place the box on a baking sheet covered with foil (just in case the cheese leaks during cooking).

Bake for about 20-25 minutes until the cheese is soft and can be seen to wobble inside its rind.

Serve immediately, in the middle of the table, for everyone to dip their chosen accompaniments through the rind and into the soft molten cheese inside.

Cheesy Pasta with Leeks & Fennel

Cheesy Pasta with Leeks & Fennel

Serves 4 as a main course

The anchovies and prosciutto can be omitted for vegetarians, though you will probably want to make up for the missing flavour with a little grated parmesan (or vegetarian cheese, for the strict).

2 leeks, peeled and cut into chunks

2 bulbs of fennel, outer layers removed, cut into chunks

2 red onions, peeled, quartered or cut into wedges if very large

10 cherry tomatoes, halved

a few sprigs of thyme

olive oil

salt and pepper

30g prosciutto, Serrano ham, or similar (3 thin slices)

2 anchovies

2 cloves of garlic

a generous bunch of basil, leaves only

250g short, tubular pasta (e.g. penne)

150g soft washed-rind cheese (e.g. taleggio, munster), cut into small pieces.

3 tbsp mascapone

Heat the oven to 200?C/400?F/ gas 6. Put the vegetables into a roasting tin, toss with olive oil, scatter over the thyme sprigs and season. Roast for 30 minutes, until the vegetables are soft and slightly browned at the edges.

Meanwhile, cook the pasta until al dente in boiling salted water, according to the packet instructions. Drain and rinse quickly with cold water, to remove excess starch. (This will stop your finished dish becoming claggy.)

Finely chop the prosciutto, garlic, anchovies and basil and mix with a few glugs of olive oil until you have a mixture that looks like a rough-textured pesto. You can do this in a food processor if you prefer.

Mix together the pasta, the roasted vegetables and the basil mixture, along with the pieces of cheese and mascarpone. Return to the roasting tin (or other ovenproof dish), grind over some more black pepper and bake for a further 20 minutes. Serve immediately. Any leftovers are good eaten cold for lunch the following day.

Cheesecake with pomegranate

Cheesecake with pomegranate

Serves 8

For the cake

150g sugar

1.5 tbsp flour

1 tbsp cornflour

225g cream cheese

50g butter, softened?

225g quark

2 eggs, separated

1 tbsp lemon juice

0.5 tsp vanilla extract

For the topping

1 pomegranate

1 tbsp sugar

Heat the oven to 160?C/325?F/gas 3. Butter a 20cm round cake tin (springform will make your life easier, but is not necessary).

Mix together the sugar, flour and cornflour. In a separate bowl, beat the cream cheese and quark together with an electric whisk until creamy and softened. Whisk in the butter, followed by the sugar/flour mixture, and finally the egg yolks.

In yet another bowl, beat the egg whites until they are holding their shape in soft peaks. Fold the egg whites gently into the cheese mixture, along with the vanilla extract and lemon juice, until just combined.

Bake for about 1 hour until set, except for a slight wobble in the centre. Rotate the tin occasionally in the oven, if it is not browning evenly. Turn the oven off leaving the door cranked slightly open and rest the cake in the turned-off oven for 1 hour. Be aware that it will rise dramatically, and then sink in the centre on cooling; this makes it perfect to hold a semi-liquid topping.

Whilst the cake is baking, remove the seeds from half the pomegranate and set aside. Juice the remaining half (with a citrus juicer, or by removing the seeds and crushing them through a sieve). Put the juice in a small saucepan with the sugar and reduce by about half over a medium heat. When it has cooled to room temperature, add the rest of the seeds to the syrup. Turn the cake out of its tin when cool and spoon over the syrup and seeds; the risen edges of the cake should act to keep the liquid syrup neatly in place.

About The Author

Thyme Supperclub?is a hobby project run by a keen amateur cook and an oenophile?(wine connoisseur), who host dinners in their own home for friends, guests and food enthusiasts. Founded in 2010, and one of the first supper clubs in Berlin, Thyme Supperclub entertains 18 guests at an eight-course meal, once a month, with guests invited to contribute a donation to cover costs.

About The Photographer

Kristi Korotash is an amateur food photographer, professional food lover, and one half of Berlin?s?Zuhause Supperclub.

Source: http://www.slowtravelberlin.com/2013/02/07/seasonal-recipes-february-2013/

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ProCutX for iPad links with Final Cut Pro X, lets you slice and dice footage from afar

Final Cut Pro X is already a pretty great piece of software all on its own, but there might be some video gurus who wouldn't mind adding a little touch-based action to their current workflow. Here's where ProCutX comes in: the iPad app's claiming to give Mac vid editors a canvas where they can easily have access to many of FCPX's editing tools, including color grading and auto-correct, quick keywording, compound clip editing and import / export / rendering shortcuts. In addition, ProCutX also allows users to do a little precision timeline scrubbing, while the ability to record voiceovers, have access to volume controls and the option to tweak more advanced audio settings are other tasks that can be done straight from the app. Now, ProCutX isn't your run-of-the-mill, less-than-a-buck app, so folks will have to shell out a $25 premium in order to download -- but, given how interested parties would be the ones who already spent the $299 on FCPX, something tells us they likely won't be opposed to investing a few more dollars. If that's you, then give that source link a click to get more acquainted with the handy app.

Filed under: Tablets, Software, Apple

Comments

Via: Apple Insider

Source: App Store

Source: http://feeds.engadget.com/~r/weblogsinc/engadget/~3/nPgGCWMhjzU/

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Do you suffer from Facebook fatigue? You're not alone

NBC News file

Facebook users say among the top reasons they take a break from the social network are that they're too busy, weren't interested, or found it to be a waste of time.

By Suzanne Choney, TODAY.com Contributor

Many of us know Facebook users who are on the site seemingly 24/7, but we also know others who sometimes feel Facebook fatigue, and who have stepped away from the social network to clear their heads. Now a new study says that 61 percent of Facebook users say they've taken such breaks for several weeks or longer in the past.

Among the top reasons: Lives that are too busy and demanding, as well as information shared on Facebook that is sometimes too mundane and time-consuming (photos of lunch meals, or rants about celebs' comments or the clothes they wear, for instance).

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"The largest group (21 percent) said that their 'Facebook vacation' was a result of being too busy with other demands or not having time to spend on the site," says the Pew Research Center?s Internet & American Life Project in a new report, "Coming and Going on Facebook."

"Others pointed towards a general lack of interest in the site itself (10 percent mentioned this in one way or another), an absence of compelling content (10 percent), excessive gossip or 'drama' from their friends (9 percent), or concerns that they were spending too much time on the site and needed to take a break (8 percent)."

Pew Research Center's Internet & American Life Project

Pew heard a variety of comments from the 1,006 American adults surveyed via phone in December. Among the sentiments shared by those who took Facebook breaks:

"I was tired of stupid comments"
"I took a break when it got boring"
"Too much drama"
"You get burned out on it after a while"
"People were (posting) what they had for dinner."

There were also some who said using the social network brought on problems. "I got harassed by someone from my past who looked me up," said one; "It caused problems in my (romantic) relationship," said another.

TODAY.com asked Facebook for comments about the Pew study, and received this emailed statement:

The fact is Facebook growth and engagement remain strong. As we announced last week, Facebook has grown daily active users across all regions, ending the year with more than 1 billion monthly active users, 618 million daily active users and 680 million people accessing Facebook from mobile devices. Our announcement came on the heels of independent analyst reports which concluded that Facebook is the most downloaded mobile app in the U.S., and that time spent on Facebook accounts for over 20 percent of all time spent on mobile apps in the U.S.

Pew says despite the "considerable fluidity" among users, 67 percent of online American adults use Facebook. That compares to 20 percent of online adults who say they used LinkedIn, and 16 percent who use Twitter, the research group says.

One in five of the online adults who were on Facebook, but aren't now, gave Pew some of the same reasons stated by the Facebook break-takers above, as well as comments like these: "I got tired of minding everybody else?s business" and "Takes my time away."

The 1,000 or so folks queried by Pew may not seem to be representative of Facebook's gargantuan reach. Facebook's monthly user base grew 25 percent from a year earlier to 1.06 billion accounts, and the site has 165 million users in the U.S.

Pew does note that 59 percent of the Facebook users surveyed said the site is "about as important to them as it was a year ago," and 53 percent said the amount of time they spend on Facebook has "stayed about the same over the past year."

But 28 percent said the site has become "less important" to them a year ago, and 34 percent said the amount of time they spent on Facebook has decreased over the past year. Another 12 percent say Facebook has become "more important" to them than it was a year ago, with 13 percent saying they've spent more time "liking" and posting over the past year.

While 69 percent say they will likely spend the same amount of time this year on Facebook as they did in 2012, and 3 percent will spend more time, 27 percent are looking to be on Facebook less.

Among the 27 percent may be this mom, who recently posted:

Facebook

From the mouth of babes, indeed.

Four roommates who confess they're online "pretty much all day" make a pact to engage in a digital detox ? two weeks without smartphones, Facebook, Twitter, and more. They tell TODAY's Natalie Morales it has made them "less dysfunctional."

More stories from TODAY Digital Life:

Check out Technology, GadgetBox, Digital Life and InGame on?Facebook,?and on Twitter, follow Suzanne Choney.

Source: http://digitallife.today.com/_news/2013/02/05/16842338-do-you-suffer-from-facebook-fatigue-youre-not-along-survey-suggests?lite

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CSN: Alex Smith's maturity guarantees nothing

The 49ers have 10 players who are scheduled to become unrestricted free agents in March. Alex Smith is not one of them. Smith is nearly through year one of a three-year, $24 million deal. ?But contract or not, if Smith wishes to pursue an opportunity with another team this offseason, his teammates believe he has earned the chance.

"I hope he goes to where he can be a starting quarterback and continue to have a successful career. ?He's a great dude," said Frank Gore, who came to the 49ers with Smith in the 2005 draft. ?"I really love Alex. He's a great person and I want him to be successful."

"I just hope he does what he feels is best for him. Alex has gone through a lot with this team," starting left tackle Joe Staley said. ?"Whatever Alex decides, I'm 100% behind him. ?Obviously, one of my best buddies. I'd love to play with him my whole entire career, but it's a business, and Alex understands that and I understand that."

"Whatever he decides I wish him the best. I know that he will do well. Great player," added Vernon Davis, who has been on the receiving end of more than a third of Smith's career touchdown passes. "He was a class act about the whole process. He was a class act. That's why I take my hat off to Alex Smith for being a man, standing up the way he did. He didn't cause any distractions."

Smith could have created a major road block on the 49ers road to the Super Bowl. Instead, he helped pave it. A free agent during the NFL lockout of 2011, he organized and ran offseason workouts with his "former" teammates and the playbook of newly hired head coach Jim Harbaugh. He even paid for the use of the facilities at San Jose State. Smith signed a one-year deal with the 49ers then led them to a 13- 3 regular season record and the NFC Championship game. He signed his current deal shortly thereafter.

One of the winningest quarterbacks over the last two seasons and one of the most efficient too, Smith was unexpectedly benched midway through this season. All he did to lose his job, as Smith explained it, was get a concussion.

Back up Colin Kaepernick came in while Smith recovered and dazzled in a Monday night performance against the Chicago Bears. Much to the surprise of everyone, Harbaugh made the switch. ?Smith could have thrown a John McEnroe-sized tantrum. ?He could have sulked a la Jay Cutler or Cam Newton. Or he could have been a plain ol' pain-in-the-derriere like too many past-their-prime quarterbacks can be when they are replaced.

The most disruptive Smith became was displaying a genuine sense of disbelief and declaring, "It sucks."? With that, he got back to work, much to the benefit of his replacement.

"He has done nothing but help me," said Kaepernick. "I wish him all the best."

But Smith's future is not up to him. The 49ers can grant his release if he requests it, but there is not much precedent for that, even for a player who has been exemplary on the field, in the meeting rooms and with his attitude. Not even those kinds of players get those wishes granted when they are under contract, Harbaugh explained.

"Every scenario is unique. Certainly something we're not going to delve into and get into specifics at this point," Harbaugh said.

It's unlikely the 49ers will be able to keep Smith and the $8.5 million hit he'll put on the 2013 salary cap. Whether Smith will have input into whether he is kept, traded or released may remain behind closed doors. He has, however, expressed his desire to be a starter again.

"I have great respect for Alex. A great personal friendship," Harbaugh said. "We feel great about our quarterback situation. You can't have enough good quarterbacks."

Smith's dilemma is there are just enough starting positions for one.

Source: http://www.csnbayarea.com/49ers/alex-smith-maturity-guarantees-nothing

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lots of "friendship"/relationship changes! and emotionally spiraling

Little of an update!

So I told JS that we can't be friends anymore; I was clear to say this wan't really to do anything with her, just that I always wanted more and couldn't keep lying to myself that mere friendship was enough. Maybe I'm in error in this assertion that I believe that relationships, be them romantic/sexual or not, should be defined and all ambiguity nuked. To that end, I had to grow up and end our friendship with JS (and other in my life). Additionally, if you fall this logos through, then I also need to be proactive to be more assertive in defining my relationships by be more forward. In the past, I am so not forward.

If I hadn't been lying to myself for years, I should have ended things with JS years ago. On top of this, a few weeks earlier I learned Gabrielle moved back to North Vancouver... only a few blocks away (damn you FB for making stalking so inadvertently easy for people). This also coincides with me going off my antidepressants cold turkey. A few days after cutting JS out of my life I de-friended Summerly and Nina. We hadn't talked for quite some time (with Nina for over a year).

Also, since beginning of Jan I started having sex with Angela after we broke up. Regarding the situation with Angela: we are officers in the same NLC Corp, and we began sleeping together in September 2012. This happened because one night when I and the rest of the officers were out drinking, she suggested that we could hang out some time, so I told well she could come over some drinks that night if she wanted. I few weeks later, we did just that and after getting quite intoxicated we fucked. Tbh, I wasn't that attracted to her (I know horrible to say) but she is a nice person and she was there (pathetic on my part). She considered us dating, but we kept on the down low (mostly at my urging), because of our working relationship at cadets and their could be ramifications from up the Chain of Command. I really wanted to feel something with her, but just never felt that spark. Over the following months I told her a 3 times that I didn't feel that spark and she deserved better. I wanted to tell her in no uncertain terms that we had to end it, but I really didn't want to hurt or make our working relationship messed. To be clear, I don't make a habit of getting involved with people at work.... or that up until this year have I had that much experience romantically/sexually (although even now, I probably don't have that much experience now anyways). I am such a hopeless romantic, but I've been emotionally beaten down by others and myself, that I have become really?disenfranchised and hurt. I guess that's why I have been so conflicted and doing more crazy things then I've ever done. Back to Angela, I eventually told her straight in Jan that we had to break up. However, we kept sleeping together until last week, which I discussed with and it was more of a mutual decision.

To complicate things more, this week I had sex with Tasia again. I haven't seen her in over 2 years, and we were never even really friends or dating. I have slept with her before, but we more of each others booty calls. She has now ended things with me, which is fine.

I had a good evening out at EXP bar with Cassidy who recently broke up with her BF of 5 years. There is actually the potential on my part see her more then a hook up (not that ive had more then 1 hook up). But when I actually like someone, I just don't want to scare them off, and then I'm probably not forward enough. Trying to change that like I said above. But I did ask her if she wanted to have SNES night not this weekend but the next because she is busy with midterms. That night, I'm going to ask her if she interested in being more then friends and take things slow.

So yeah emotionally, I am just all over the place. For example today (1600-1745) I just lay in my bead holding a pillow shivering and holding back tears.

Cheers,

Vic.

PS: I felt like killing myself earlier. Also that is another reason I am sorry to lose JS. Without her I probably would have killed myself this past winter. She was the only one I felt comfortable enough opening up to. All she did was come over and knit and watch TV with me after I told her I was suicidal.

Source: http://cerulean-pulsar.livejournal.com/19670.html

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